FESTIVAL B UNPLUGGED
UEFA Champions League! That name alone, dearest reader sends chills down the spine of every football lover—unless you happen to be one of those few, rare souls who finds more joy in watching paint dry or counting blades of grass than seeing the finest footballing talent strut their stuff on the grandest stage.
But, I digress. For those of us who do appreciate a game of 11-v-11, the midweek Matchweek 7 was the kind of affair that made you question the very meaning of life (and by that, I mean “Why do I even try to predict the outcomes of football matches anymore?”). It was one for the history books, folks.
A rollercoaster of surprises, upsets, comebacks, and, of course, moments that made you want to throw your TV remote out the window.
Let’s start with the big guns, shall we? Manchester City, the reigning 2023 Champions League winner. Surely, with their glittering squad and Pep Guardiola at the helm, they could never be in danger of an early exit from Europe’s most coveted competition.
Surely not, right? Well, this week, my dear readers, we all discovered that football is as unpredictable as a toddler with a sugar high.
A stunning 4-2 loss to Paris Saint-Germain (PSG) in Paris has thrown a serious spanner in City’s well-oiled machine.
Two-nil up and cruising, Manchester City suddenly found themselves staring down the barrel of humiliation faster than you can say “Pep, what went wrong?”
If you were watching, you were likely doing a double-take. Jack Grealish, on as a halftime substitute, pulled off a cheeky finish in the 50th minute. Great! That was followed by a beautiful pass from Grealish that Erling Haaland expertly deflected into the net—2-0 to City.
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Cue the champagne, cue the smug smiles in Manchester. And then… six minutes of madness. Six. In the blink of an eye, Ousmane Dembélé and Bradley Barcola scored for PSG, bringing the Parisians back to life like a zombie rising from the grave.
And if you thought that was enough drama for one evening, think again. Joao Neves headed in a stunning goal in the 78th minute to give PSG the lead, before Gonçalo Ramos sealed City’s fate with a fourth in stoppage time. And just like that, the reigning champions were teetering on the edge of elimination.
It’s almost too deliciously cruel, isn’t it? But don’t fret, City fans. Pep Guardiola assured The Cityzen’s faithful that his team would “do everything” to make it through, and if they don’t, well, “we don’t deserve it.”
So, with all the grace of a cornered cat, City will now face Club Brugge in the final round of group games. They’ll need to win that match to secure a playoff spot. Brugge, on the other hand, just needs a draw. So, no pressure, eh?
And yet, as one giant falters, another one rises. Enter Paris Saint-Germain. After a series of missteps, PSG has clawed their way to 22nd place in the standings, and their final match against Stuttgart, who need a win to have any hope of progressing, is shaping up to be a nail-biter.
But let’s be honest, after that rollercoaster of a match, I wouldn’t be surprised if PSG’s only objective now is to simply outlast City and secure that playoff spot. They’re practically a soap opera at this point.
Now, let’s talk about Real Madrid because surely nothing could go wrong for the 15-time European champions, right? Well, apparently “nothing” is relative in football, and Real Madrid had their little dramatic moment to savour.
After three losses in six games (to Lille, AC Milan, and Liverpool), the mighty Madrid found themselves languishing in 22nd place before their showdown with Salzburg.
You’d think that a club with the name Real Madrid stamped on their shirts would stroll into the knockout rounds with the same ease as a man walking to the fridge for a snack. But alas, the Kings of Europe are only human.
Fortunately, they decided to remind us of their greatness with a 5-1 thrashing of Salzburg, pulling themselves up to 16th place and setting themselves up for the knockout rounds. Crisis averted… for now.
Meanwhile, other teams have been quietly making their moves. Arsenal defeated Dinamo Zagreb 3-0 to climb to 3rd place, while Inter Milan picked up a 1-0 win against Sparta Prague to also rise to 4th.
Both teams now have 16 points, but with some dangerous clubs lurking around the edges (looking at you, Aston Villa), they’ll have to wait until next week to see if they can secure direct entry into the round of 16.
Now, if you’re looking for drama and tension, look no further than Bayern Munich. Bayern Munich, that perennial titan of European football, was casually knocked out 3-0 by Feyenoord and now finds themselves in 15th place in the standings.
Fifteenth. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! But never fear—Bayern still have a relatively easy final match against Slovan Bratislava, a team that has somehow managed to lose seven straight games. Surely, even Bayern’s woeful form can’t derail them now, can it? But that’s the beauty of football, isn’t it? Just when you think you’ve figured it out, the universe laughs in your face.
Meanwhile, Celtic secured their place in the knockout rounds with a 1-0 win over the bottom-dwelling Young Boys.
Leipzig ended a six-game losing streak with a much-needed 2-1 victory over Sporting Lisbon, though the Portuguese side is still favoured to advance.
Shakhtar Donetsk kept their hopes alive with a 2-0 win against Brest, and it seems they’ll make it to the next phase, albeit in the “just barely” category.
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On Tuesday, in Atlético Madrid’s fixture against Bayer Leverkusen, it seemed to be slipping away from Atlético’s grasp, and you could almost hear Diego Simeone muttering a silent prayer under his breath.
Down a goal and a man, Atlético looked like they were staring down the barrel of a humiliating defeat.
Cue Julián Álvarez, the man who seems to have an uncanny knack for turning desperate moments into gold. In the 52nd minute, Álvarez picked up a pass on the break and finished a counterattack with the calm precision of a surgeon. The game was level again.
In the 76th minute, Leverkusen’s Piero Hincapié decided to add a little spice to the contest by earning a second yellow card for a reckless foul on Giuliano Simeone.
A man down, a goal up. Leverkusen might’ve thought they had it in the bag, but the momentum was shifting.
Atlético, sensing blood in the water, cranked up the pressure. Simeone’s men piled forward like a pack of wolves on a hunt.
Then, in the dying embers of the match—90th minute, no less—Álvarez found himself in the perfect position once again.
Ángel Correa threaded the ball through to Álvarez, who slipped past the offside trap, rounded the goalkeeper, and, with the coolest of composures, tapped the ball into an empty net.
The 2-1 scoreline didn’t just secure three points—it injected the team with life and lifted them to third in the standings, with 15 points, just three behind Barcelona.
Over in Lisbon, Barcelona was embroiled in a high-octane spectacle against Benfica. A 5-4 thriller. If you love goals, this was your game.
It was a nail-biting rollercoaster of a contest, and Barcelona’s victory helped them stay ahead of Atlético, as they held onto second place with 18 points.
Benfica, on the other hand, must’ve left that field wondering how they didn’t grab a point from a game that could’ve easily ended in their favour. The results are endless!
So, here we are—one round left. The top eight teams will get a well-deserved break until March, while those finishing in positions 9 through 24 will enter the knockout playoffs.
Next Wednesday, all 36 teams will be in action at the same time, and if there’s one just thing, we’ve learned from this group stage, it’s that absolutely nothing is guaranteed.
Bill Shankly, the former manager of Liverpool Football Club once said, “Football is a game of two halves.” And if this Champions League has taught us anything, it’s that those two halves are unpredictable, heart-stopping, and utterly baffling.
Will Manchester City pull off a miraculous comeback against Club Brugge? Will PSG fall apart at the hands of Stuttgart? Will Real Madrid continue to coast on their reputation or flounder into the abyss?
Honestly, I have no idea. But that’s why we watch. Because, in the end, this sport is a beautiful mess. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
With those words, I rest my case!
…Until my ink paints the next edition. I am Festival B, umgcilati magama since day one. See you in the next print!
